ethan is walking (and so are amy squared!)

our monkey is finally walking! it's an amazing sight to see. i think physical therapy (a.k.a. the amazing claudia) worked wonders and helped ethan build strength and courage to take the steps on his own. it's taken quite a bit of courage for me to commit to this 1/2 marathon, too. it means a little less time with ethan. it means pushing my body. it means getting up early. i'm pleased to say that i'm not the only one with courage to make this commitment. my dear amy kaufman levy is walking it with me! it's so much fun to be training together and i can't wait for us to cross the finish line together and know that we had the courage to stick to this TOGETHER! i really appreciate everyone's support for my fundraising, too. thank you and happy holidays to you and your loved ones!!!

walking

there's been a lot of discussion in our house the past few months about walking. ethan is learning to walk (and doing much better thanks to the amazing claudia) and i'm training for a 1/2 marathon. originally i was going to run it. i tried. my knee tried. i decided on behalf of me and my knee that it was better to walk. now i'm having a ton of fun. team in training is amazing and i'm gaining strength and miles in advance of the 13.1 race in january. the most i've walked at once is 8 miles. my knee is still a bit sore by the end but i'm really loving it. i'm meeting amazing people and each week i hear another inspiring story about someone that has battled cancer. today at the training i had to sign my recommittment paperwork which means that i'm in it for the long haul and if i don't raise the minimum amount...well it's up to me to pay it. i really need your support. i need the encouragement and it's really helpful to know that my friends and family are supporting me and on this journey with me. i promise to keep you updated on my progress. in the meantime, please consider donating by visiting my fundraising page http://pages.teamintraining.org/los/pfchangs11/ahytowitz. thank you to those that have already donated and thanks in advance to those that are considering it. all my love.

just get up and walk already

we had ethan's 18 month appointment last week. he's great. he's almost 23 lbs and 31.5 inches. he's in the 25% of height, 15% of weight and 60% for his head. he's like our own bobble head doll :) dr. liddy said she's really pleased with how verbal he is and had only glowing things to say about his development...except in one area. ethan has to start physical therapy next week because he's still not walking. i'm really eager to hear what the PT has to say. maybe she'll just say "just get up and walk already" and he'll walk across the room. here's a little video of our little guy practicing.

I HATE CANCER

i have witnessed so many wonderful people in my life that have been affected by the disease. it is my hope that by supporting the leukemia and lymphoma society (LLS) i can help us find a cure and eventually kick ALL cancers.

as it turns out my knee HATES running. i just don't know that my knee will be able to handle the pounding of the pavement. so, i think i'm going to walk the marathon in january in phoenix, arizona. as my coach bridget said, it doesn't really matter if you walk or run a marathon...you still completed a marathon!!!

i'm excited. in addition to eradicating cancer from the planet i'm also hoping to shed some pounds and take off that baby weight for good.

this is a picture of the first day of training with my little training partner.

thanks to everyone for supporting me. i'm really excited. i'll keep you updated on my progress. if you have not done so already, please visit my fundraising page and consider making a donation to LLS at http://pages.teamintraining.org/los/pfchangs11/ahytowitz

love,
amy

i don't have the words

i just spent the last 48 hours in the car with carrie, sam, andrew, eliana and ethan. i have no words to explain just how special, loud and messy it was. i have another 36 hours with them. i'll try to figure out how to put it into words and i'll blog it. until then...a very tired mommy, auntie and sister signing off.

it's you i like

here we are, all on this boat together, this floating planet...together. i feel blessed even in times of trouble. i wonder how human beings get that feeling. i guess it comes from a long line of people in our lives who have, in one way or another, "sung" that song:

it's you i like.

it's not the things you wear.

it's not the way you do your hair,

but it's you i like.

the way you are right now,

the way down deep inside,

not the things that hide you,

not your toys-they're just beside you.

but it's you i like,

every part of you-

your skin, your eyes, your feelings,
whether old or new.

i hope that you'll remember

even when you're feeling blue,

that it's you i like, it's you yourself.

it's you. it's you i like.

-"many ways to say i love you" by mister rogers

could you be loved

barry is an amazing dad. loving and caring and a true protector. a wonderful playmate and father. ethan made him a video to tell him just how loved he is. enjoy it. oh and happy father's day to all the wonderful and caring dads out there. you are all loved.

smile for the horsey

i had the pleasure of witnessing the pure joy on ethan's face during his first pony ride today. pure, pure joy. this baby makes me smile and see the good in the world every single day. we are blessed.

how music, food and dancing can change the world

this week i had the pleasure of joining edelman colleagues from around the globe at the annual leadership academy in chicago. it was an intensive 4-days of learning, role-playing, knowledge sharing and getting to know more of the edel-family. the highlight for me was spending time with richard and dan edelman. it's taken almost 6 years but i finally got to tell both of them just how much this company means to me. how i truly believe this is the best company to work for and how blessed i am to be part of the edelman network of smart and inspiring people.

i was honored to receive an amazing education that i will definitely apply to my communications approach moving forward. part of that communications approach and education was learned through sharing food, music, dancing, stories and libations with my colleagues from argentina, india, england, italy, germany, sweden, japan, china, hong kong, brazil, spain, indonesia, australia, singapore, canada, amsterdam, france, dubai, belgium, ireland, russia, mexico and the u.s.

let me tell you the #1 key learning: regardless of where someone lives or what language they speak, everyone is hungry for good food (especially deep dish pizza from gino's east - YUM!). everyone craves movement and learning. everyone (almost everyone) enjoys music. we are all one unified people. i will always try to remember how interconnected we all are and that at our core we all have similar needs and cravings. i truly believe if we all took time to remember that there would be less hatred and more acceptance. amen.

you've just got to endure

you know those crazy weekends where there’s so much going on you’re more exhausted after it rather than more rested? that was this past weekend. 99.9% of it was awesome. friday night barry celebrated philip (and julie’s) upcoming nuptuals with his best guys. i got to have a relxing evening at home with monkey. saturday morning i went to see deb (she's doing so much better!) while ethan took a nap. barry got to rest, too. then mom and marty came and got us and we endured ridiculous traffic to costa mesa to drop off ethan at the snyders. ethan LOVES being with his cousins and had a blast. he is truly so adaptable. love him. us adults drove to manhattan beach to celebrate val and chris' engagement! yay! so excited for them. after the party we drove back to costa mesa to pick up ethan and then endured a nighttime drive to san diego. we got to the nasty place where we stayed around 12:30am and got a couple of hours of sleep while we endured a really disguisting room. roaches in the bed. fecal matter on the wall. i mean really, really nasty. poor mom, marty and barry had to endure my crabiness and complaining about the situation but really it was so nasty. we then got up at 5:15am and got to see jamie and david at the starting line of their first 1/2 marathon. so exciting to see the anticipation and joy on these folks faces. really wonderful. we then endured the closed roads while we tried to find jamie and david [and jen, doug and emily] along the race path. we never found jen, doug or emilly but we did find jamie and david around mile 12. we watched as thousands of people endured the pain of stiff joints, warm sun and sheer exhaustion. we then walked the last 1.5 miles to the finish line. we then got to watch thousands of people make it across the finish line. such glory! truly remarkable. we then had lunch with jamie and david, stopped at the snyders to pick up our shoes that we forgot at their house and endured more traffic back home...the last 45 minutes of which were stinky thanks to ethan. exhausted but we endured it and i'm glad we did. here's what i learned...you don't have to run a 1/2 marathon to endure a whole lot of shit. smiles. happy monday.

saying a prayer for deb

today i witnessed humanity at its core. i watched as one of my best friends, deborah, went in for surgery to have her thyroid (and the cancer) removed. the good news is that deb is doing really well. the doctor believes she is cured and she is already talking. yes, she's in pain (which sucks!) but she is cancer free and that is a blessing.

ronnie and i walked into deb's pre-op room just as the hospital rabbi was saying a blessing to our dear friend. there stood dahlia (deb's mom) and larry. it was emotional and raw. i stood there watching my brave friend - mother of three, wife to one of my oldest friends, devoted friend - and all i could wonder is when did we get to be the age where we have to deal with these raw and all-too-real life events? i loathe this part of being an adult.

look, i don't know how it felt for deb to go through that today however i do know where she mustered up her strength. she got it from being a mom. she got it from closing her eyes, saying a prayer, and remembering that she is a strong and powerful woman.

i love you deb and i'm very thankful everything is ok.

the happiest day of my life

marrying barry was the best day of my life. i love ethan but the day he was born was scary, uncertain and emotional...that was the most rewarding day of my life but two years ago today was my happiest day EVER.

i got to marry my very best friend. i got to party with almost all of my favorite people. i got to stand up in front of our village and speak these words to my love:

Barry,

I know I tell you a million times a day how much I love you and how lucky I feel to be your partner. So when writing this letter to you I had to dig deeper to figure out just why it is that I love you so and why I feel blessed to be standing here becoming your wife.

First things first, you are funny. You keep me laughing and constantly lighten my mood. Your silly humor is indescribable and I love it.

You are strong. I’m not referring to the amount of weight you can lift, I’m talking about your character. When you were sick a couple of months ago and we were both really bummed about it you told me that we had choices. We could let it tear us up or we could move forward and not let it define us. You are amazing in that way.

You are loyal. Your dedication and ethics are the strongest I’ve ever known.

You are a wonderful friend. You are always willing to lend an ear, fix things, provide advice or just a smile when its needed most. I really think you are so awesome and I am glad we are friends.

I’ve never met a more sensitive, caring, warm, loveable human being. I felt the moment we met that this was it. You make me just so very happy when we are together.

I love you and I pledge my loyalty and faithfulness to you forever.
I love you for who you are as an individual and I promise to never lose sight of it.
I believe in you and promise to always be your biggest cheerleader.
I love you ‘cause you get me and urge me to bring the best of me to our relationship.
I love you because we are a team.
I love you for the time and attention and joy you bring to my life and because you always bring strength and imagination to our relationship.
I love you for being true with your word, our love and my needs.
I love you because you share your feelings whole heartedly with me.

Barry, I promise to keep myself open to you, to let you see through the window of my world into my innermost fears and feelings, secrets and dreams.

I promise to fight fair.
I promise to grow along with you, to be willing to face changes in order to keep our relationship alive and exciting.
I promise to laugh and cry with you.
I promise to love you in good times and in bad, with all I have to give and all I feel inside the only way I know how.
I promise to be by your side through it all and for always.

I love you more than I truly ever thought possible. Thank you for asking me to marry you. I feel truly honored to be your wife.

those words are more true today than ever before. i love you barry. happy anniversary.

my pledge to put down the cookie

"women, food and god" is a fairly new book and the latest approach oprah thinks can help women lose weight. the premise is that you have to recognize that you can live your best life with what you have in front of you and that our connections with food are based on our disconnection with our real life. ouch.
i was at a charity event on thursday night and i had a cookie. then i had another cookie. truth be told i wasn't hungry. i wasn't bored. but the presentations for the event were about to start and i was going to have to sit still for 30 minutes. i wouldn't be able to check my blackberry. i wouldn't be able to talk. i wouldn't be able to get up and walk around. i would have to be still. in that stillness there would be the chance that i'd think about what has been happening the past week - friend's being sick, stress at work, barry looking for a new career, the little time i spend with ethan during the week.
when did i become this self centered? when did i become this cynical? when did i become the one to complain? when did i become the one to sweat the small stuff? that's not who i want to be. that's not who i believe i am. that's not my best self. who i am is the hard working mom and wife and friend and daughter and sister and aunt and co-worker who loves life and sees the positive in every situation. i'm the one that helps to problem solve.
so, my pledge to myself is this...to sit still. to focus on what's actually in front of me and not think that every situation is about me or an opportunity to focus on me. to see the positive. to recognize the problems in life but recognize that there is so much joy. to radiate that joy to others around me. to enjoy those moments when i can be still and appreciate what's in front of me. to live my best life.

i'm not perfect

today i'm going to write about real life. today life is scary. i'm not sure what our next step will be but i'll take scared over unhappy any day. i think about just how much i love ethan and barry and how even in the most uncertain of times my life feels blessed.

i was the subject of a "fireside chat" today during our monthly staff meeting. i was asked what i consider to be perfect happiness. i of course said "ethan". then i was asked what is the virtue that i consider most overrated. i said "perfection". i don't understand those that strive for perfection. it would be exhausting. what i strive for is balance. i strive for living my best real life and being proud of who i am. here's the thing about real life. it's beautiful. it's raw. it's what you make it. it's really imperfect and that makes it wonderful.

one of my favorite songs from ethan's playlist is "i'm not perfect" from laurie berkner. i think it's a good thing to teach our kids..."i'm not perfect, no i'm not. i'm not perfect and i hope you like me that way."

on another note, today i'm grateful for barry. b, you are strong, powerful and wonderful and i'm so glad you're my partner in life. keep the faith.

change

we cannot become what we need to be, remaining what we are. - max depree

ethan update - 1.1 months old

thought i'd give an update on ethan delicious.

here's the scoop - he wants to walk but he's not there just yet. instead he crawls (fast!) and then pulls himself up on everything and walks holding on to furniture. he is talking up a storm although we only understand dall (ball), bubu (bye bye), momma, dadda, bow wow, wawa (water). our only challenge right now is trying to get him off the bottle. our doctor says he needs to be off in the next 2 months. i asked silvia to try it yesterday. didn't go over so well. think i'll give it a whirl this weekend. i'll start by cutting out the mid-day bottle and then see how it goes with the morning and evening. truth be told, i love giving him a bottle first thing in the morning and just before bed so perhaps it's me that needs to get weaned off the bottle.

this picture was taken last night at the top of our stairs. no, he's not in jail. he's just standing behind the gate so i could take a picture of mr. delicious.

that's all for now. hope everyone is doing well and at least someone is reading this post :)

bill of rights

i had the pleasure of volunteering at the remote area medical (RAM) free health clinic on friday. i fully expected to see a line of people who are homeless waiting for medical care. instead i saw a group of working individuals, families, citizens of this country...all who cannot afford healthcare. i'm not planning to use this blog as a place to share my political opinions but i am going to use it today to provide what i believe should be our bill of human rights.

EVERY human should be entitled to love, compassion, kindness, warmth, nourishment, music, laughter, healthcare.

my thoughts exactly

“When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.” Sophia Loren

thanks for lunch, dad

my dad came and took me to lunch today. lucky me! it seems that no matter my age i'm still in awe of my parents. don't get me wrong - i'm well aware of who they are - yet it's my knowledge of who my dad is and our years together that makes me so proud to be with him. everyone knows dave has a charismatic smile. everyone knows he has a dapper wardrobe. everyone knows he says the right things (most the time :). but here's what everyone might not know about dave meshulam. he has a huge heart. he is thoughtful. he is a fantastic dad and grandpa. he is wordly. smart. kind. i feel proud to know him and i feel proud that he's my dad. i also see so much of myself in him. physically we look alike. we have the same smile. hands. curls (or atleast we did). but i also notice that the way we take in information and interact with those around us is very similar. here's what i hope. i hope that ethan will accept us for who we are and love us despite our faults. most of all i hope that at 35 he will have an opportunity to have lunch with us and realize that our years together have made for a strong, impactful and fulfilling relationship...not just as child and parent but as friends, too. i love you dad.

bring your baby to work day

today was "bring your kid to work day" or in my case "bring your baby to work day". it was fun. ethan came in, explored my office, ate breakfast, went downstairs to meet the other kids, came upstairs, went into his stroller and cried himself to sleep. he then slept while i worked for about an hour and a half. it was perfect. working with ethan within my line of vision. it's my dream. today it came true.

monkey was by far the youngest kid at edelman today. there are a lot of edel-kids around his age but ethan was the only one that made it to this special day. why? because of one person...my mom. she came to get him around 11:30 so that i could concentrate and finish up my work day. without her i couldn't make these type of events happen. not when i live 45 minutes from the office.

truly, my mom is amazing. when i need her, she's there. she is my rock, my cheerleader and my guide for what a good mom looks like. she helps with ethan so much and is always willing to provide support to us when we need it. she's just as giving to others, too. i truly believe everyone deserves a lee ann in their life.

our life works because of our village. i'm so happy we have so much support...but today i'm grateful for my mom. thank you mom for helping us make our life work so well. forever. tonopah.

norma desmond

barry and i went to a screening of sunset boulevard tonight for a friend's birthday. such fun. norma desmond is a classic character. so dramatic and over the top. there truly is a little (or a lot) of norma desmond in all of us. this weekend was a bit more norma desmond than others...dramatic, that is. barry and i had the pleasure of spending time with all the westlake guys (and pete and peach) on friday night. impromptu dinner parties are good for the soul. saturday after having a lazy day we headed to mom and marty's to take care of the new puppy (ashton kucher). he is a love. he was so low maintenance but the 24 hours we spent with him was not. our sweet delish little monkey puked, pooped and peed on us several times. it was dramatic, stinky and just all around nasty. however i wouldn't change the drama that comes along with parenthood (or marriage) for anything in the world. i'll cherish the norma desmond moments because that's what makes life worth living (and blogging).

on another note, happy 1.1 years today to ethan lawrence. mommy loves you.

don't tell me nothing

i have nothing interesting to say today. i don't really understand blog etiquette - do i have to write something every few days for it to be considered a real blog? i'll just say this - the sun is shining, my baby is napping, my barry is resting on the couch. more when i have something real to say.

trusting my gut

so last night after ethan gagged up turkey meatball all over me and cried hysterically when i made him shower with me, i noticed that the rash on his belly had spread. barry never thinks we should worry about anything. me on the other hand...i take ethan to open office hours whenever something is wrong. i'm no doctor and would rather be safe than sorry. someone once said that our co-pays are for peace of mind. i agree. so, this morning i got ready, woke ethan (why does he always chose to sleep in on the days when we can't), gave him a bottle (yes, he's still on a bottle) and took him in. i love boulevard pediatrics and enjoyed the visit with dr. jj. turns out ethan just has a heat rash. no biggie. we also found out that the porker weighs 21.9 lbs. amazing how far he has come from 4.11 at birth. dr. jj did call in a prescription for me so i ran to ralph's pharmacy, picked up his some groceries, ran home, dropped off the baby with silvia, conducted two conference calls from the car and got in to work for an all day meeting...all by 10am. on my way to work i was struck with news that a friend is battling something significant. i was talking to our mutual friends about it this morning and the conversation turned to the BRCA1 gene and what we would do if we found out we (g-d forbid) had it. would we chose a masectomy. truthfully, i have no idea what i'd do. it got me thinking about the decisions we as moms have to make to protect ourselves and our family. little things like whether or not to ignore a simple rash, whether to listen to a doctor when they say that at 33 weeks pregnant it's just a cyst or whether to make a personal body altering decision that could save your life. all i know is that being a mom is full of decisions - sometimes i make the right one and sometimes i don't...but i will NEVER ignore my gut.

i'm blogging.

well. i'm doing it. i'm blogging. i have so much to say and figure that my friends, family and co-workers would prefer that i blog rather than talk incessantly throughout the day. so, a bit about me and this blog. i'm a mom. i'm a wife. i'm a daughter. i'm a sister. i'm an aunt, granddaughter, niece, cousin and friend. i'm also a VP at the best PR firm. i prefer to use all lowercase in my writing and i sometimes attempt at using big words when i shouldn't. i'm madly in love with my son and my husband. i'm a working mom 99% of the time unless something big happens with ethan and then i'm just a mom. i truly love life. i post all my pictures to smugmug and use facebook a lot. i don't expect that people will care but i wanted a place to share my opinions, thoughts and feelings about the world around me.