the happiest day of my life

marrying barry was the best day of my life. i love ethan but the day he was born was scary, uncertain and emotional...that was the most rewarding day of my life but two years ago today was my happiest day EVER.

i got to marry my very best friend. i got to party with almost all of my favorite people. i got to stand up in front of our village and speak these words to my love:

Barry,

I know I tell you a million times a day how much I love you and how lucky I feel to be your partner. So when writing this letter to you I had to dig deeper to figure out just why it is that I love you so and why I feel blessed to be standing here becoming your wife.

First things first, you are funny. You keep me laughing and constantly lighten my mood. Your silly humor is indescribable and I love it.

You are strong. I’m not referring to the amount of weight you can lift, I’m talking about your character. When you were sick a couple of months ago and we were both really bummed about it you told me that we had choices. We could let it tear us up or we could move forward and not let it define us. You are amazing in that way.

You are loyal. Your dedication and ethics are the strongest I’ve ever known.

You are a wonderful friend. You are always willing to lend an ear, fix things, provide advice or just a smile when its needed most. I really think you are so awesome and I am glad we are friends.

I’ve never met a more sensitive, caring, warm, loveable human being. I felt the moment we met that this was it. You make me just so very happy when we are together.

I love you and I pledge my loyalty and faithfulness to you forever.
I love you for who you are as an individual and I promise to never lose sight of it.
I believe in you and promise to always be your biggest cheerleader.
I love you ‘cause you get me and urge me to bring the best of me to our relationship.
I love you because we are a team.
I love you for the time and attention and joy you bring to my life and because you always bring strength and imagination to our relationship.
I love you for being true with your word, our love and my needs.
I love you because you share your feelings whole heartedly with me.

Barry, I promise to keep myself open to you, to let you see through the window of my world into my innermost fears and feelings, secrets and dreams.

I promise to fight fair.
I promise to grow along with you, to be willing to face changes in order to keep our relationship alive and exciting.
I promise to laugh and cry with you.
I promise to love you in good times and in bad, with all I have to give and all I feel inside the only way I know how.
I promise to be by your side through it all and for always.

I love you more than I truly ever thought possible. Thank you for asking me to marry you. I feel truly honored to be your wife.

those words are more true today than ever before. i love you barry. happy anniversary.

my pledge to put down the cookie

"women, food and god" is a fairly new book and the latest approach oprah thinks can help women lose weight. the premise is that you have to recognize that you can live your best life with what you have in front of you and that our connections with food are based on our disconnection with our real life. ouch.
i was at a charity event on thursday night and i had a cookie. then i had another cookie. truth be told i wasn't hungry. i wasn't bored. but the presentations for the event were about to start and i was going to have to sit still for 30 minutes. i wouldn't be able to check my blackberry. i wouldn't be able to talk. i wouldn't be able to get up and walk around. i would have to be still. in that stillness there would be the chance that i'd think about what has been happening the past week - friend's being sick, stress at work, barry looking for a new career, the little time i spend with ethan during the week.
when did i become this self centered? when did i become this cynical? when did i become the one to complain? when did i become the one to sweat the small stuff? that's not who i want to be. that's not who i believe i am. that's not my best self. who i am is the hard working mom and wife and friend and daughter and sister and aunt and co-worker who loves life and sees the positive in every situation. i'm the one that helps to problem solve.
so, my pledge to myself is this...to sit still. to focus on what's actually in front of me and not think that every situation is about me or an opportunity to focus on me. to see the positive. to recognize the problems in life but recognize that there is so much joy. to radiate that joy to others around me. to enjoy those moments when i can be still and appreciate what's in front of me. to live my best life.

i'm not perfect

today i'm going to write about real life. today life is scary. i'm not sure what our next step will be but i'll take scared over unhappy any day. i think about just how much i love ethan and barry and how even in the most uncertain of times my life feels blessed.

i was the subject of a "fireside chat" today during our monthly staff meeting. i was asked what i consider to be perfect happiness. i of course said "ethan". then i was asked what is the virtue that i consider most overrated. i said "perfection". i don't understand those that strive for perfection. it would be exhausting. what i strive for is balance. i strive for living my best real life and being proud of who i am. here's the thing about real life. it's beautiful. it's raw. it's what you make it. it's really imperfect and that makes it wonderful.

one of my favorite songs from ethan's playlist is "i'm not perfect" from laurie berkner. i think it's a good thing to teach our kids..."i'm not perfect, no i'm not. i'm not perfect and i hope you like me that way."

on another note, today i'm grateful for barry. b, you are strong, powerful and wonderful and i'm so glad you're my partner in life. keep the faith.

change

we cannot become what we need to be, remaining what we are. - max depree

ethan update - 1.1 months old

thought i'd give an update on ethan delicious.

here's the scoop - he wants to walk but he's not there just yet. instead he crawls (fast!) and then pulls himself up on everything and walks holding on to furniture. he is talking up a storm although we only understand dall (ball), bubu (bye bye), momma, dadda, bow wow, wawa (water). our only challenge right now is trying to get him off the bottle. our doctor says he needs to be off in the next 2 months. i asked silvia to try it yesterday. didn't go over so well. think i'll give it a whirl this weekend. i'll start by cutting out the mid-day bottle and then see how it goes with the morning and evening. truth be told, i love giving him a bottle first thing in the morning and just before bed so perhaps it's me that needs to get weaned off the bottle.

this picture was taken last night at the top of our stairs. no, he's not in jail. he's just standing behind the gate so i could take a picture of mr. delicious.

that's all for now. hope everyone is doing well and at least someone is reading this post :)

bill of rights

i had the pleasure of volunteering at the remote area medical (RAM) free health clinic on friday. i fully expected to see a line of people who are homeless waiting for medical care. instead i saw a group of working individuals, families, citizens of this country...all who cannot afford healthcare. i'm not planning to use this blog as a place to share my political opinions but i am going to use it today to provide what i believe should be our bill of human rights.

EVERY human should be entitled to love, compassion, kindness, warmth, nourishment, music, laughter, healthcare.